Plight of successful single black women

10 years ago
Posted in: Miscellaneous

The plight of successful single black women; Are we doomed to singleness or settling for less in relationships? I have to admit I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while and finally decided to explore it because of what I’ve seen & heard in the media lately.  For example, there’s been a lot of media talk about Gabrielle Union being engaged to Dwayne Wade who has a 1 month old with someone else and some how this happened while they where on a dating break from one another. Give me a break. lol. Another example that prompted me to explore this topic was Kenya Moore (of the real housewives of Atlanta) saying she’ll be 43 this year and with or without a man, she wants to have a baby. I’m not 43 but I have to admit I’ve thought about having a baby through artificial insemination but I can’t ethically resolve to do this because I feel a child should be raised by two parents.

I’m not going to get into the statistics of it but the trend of singleness amongst professional African American women is alarming.  I and a lot of my professional friends are still single or settling for relationships that leave a lot to be desired.  Either the man isn’t as successful as we are or they’re running game on us. Why is this? Is it because we’re afraid to end up alone that we choose to settle? I guess it doesn’t help that most of our successful black men don’t want us so we have to take what we can find. (but that’s a topic for another blog.)

I’ve heard some black men say successful black women are stuck up, arrogant, hard to deal with and laden with attitude but I think most of us are just tired of being hurt so we have walls up. I know I do.

We’re tired of giving our all in relationships only to be left for women of other races. I’ve often heard people say fight back by choosing men of other races. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against inter-racial relationships but it shouldn’t be forced. If I happen to marry a man of another race, let it simply be because we met and fell in love by chance, not because I had no other choice.

Lots of successful African-American women seem to be turning to homosexuality as well because of this and I think it’s sad. I’ve often wondered if this new trend towards homosexuality isn’t the result of rejection. I know I’m probably going to get some back lash for this but remember this is my observation and opinion and I’m entitled to it. You don’t have to agree. I could never be a homosexual because aside from believing that it’s Biblically wrong, I’m just not attracted to other women but that’s also a topic for another blog entry. Today, I’m trying to explore why we successful black women seem to be doomed to singleness or settling for less in relationships.

Are we doomed to singleness or settling for less because we’re not considered the standard of beauty in today’s society? It’s funny how every other race wants our hips, lips and even our color but yet we’re not the standard of beauty. I’ve never quite understood this. Please don’t get me wrong me, I have friends of all races and I cherish them all but this trend to seems to be increased amongst African American women and I honestly think we need to talk more about it instead of pretending it’s not happening. I’m a very real person and I’m brutally honest to a fault but that’s because I believe in dealing with issues rather than sugar coating it.

I’m at the age where I don’t want to have to build a man into what I need and desire. I want him already built and ready to match or exceed me. I want to be able to submit to someone who will actually lead and all I see are ones that want to be pushed or expecting me to carry them. We don’t have time for this . I don’t want to have to share him with five hundred other women who want the same thing that only seems to exist in one in five hundred men either.  Is it wrong to want someone who shares the same values, works as hard as I do, that doesn’t have a dozen baby mamas & isn’t trying to run game on me? I want a man I can laugh, grow into destiny and build a family with. One who will truly reciprocate my unconditional love for him. Are any men like that out there? If so, where are they?

I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this issue so let’s dialogue about it!

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